Footage of Essendon recruitment manager leaked

Footage of one of Essendon's high-powered recruiting team who had advised the club against selecting Cyril Rioli in last year's National Draft has been leaked onto the Internet. The video [see below] of the recruitment manager (whose name has been withheld for legal reasons), which can also be accessed from youtube, seems to have been taken somewhere near Flagstaff Station, on Melbourne's underground rail line The Loop.

Rioli, a star in Hawthorn's stunning victory over Geelong in last week's Grand Final, drifted as far as pick #12 at the draft table. Hawthorn recruiting manager Chris Pelchen recalled that he could hardly control his excitement when it came time to read out his club's prized first round selection.

"I tried to stifle my laughter by coughing and I guess I got away with it at the time," he told I-Footy. "It was like being the last kid to put his hand into a mixed bag of lollies at a party and finding that no one has taken the false teeth."

Essendon, who participates in the Dream Time game, an annual celebration of indigenous culture and the contribution of aboriginal footballers to Australian Rules, was thought to have passed on Rioli as the club already had a sufficient quota of highly skilled indigenous footballers such as Leroy Jeter, Andrew Lovett, Alwyn Davey and Paddy Ryder. Rioli, is the nephew of Norm Smith medal winners Maurice Rioli and Michael Long, a former Bomber champion.

Eleven other clubs including Essendon passed on the talented flanker who was nominated for both goal of the year and mark of the year, led the Hawks' tackle count and finished second in the prestigious Rising Star award. Fremantle's Rhys Palmer was declared the winner. The same panel who vote on the rookie award made Cameron Mooney an All Australian in 2007.

Vossy Gives Head Coaching Role a Bash

Michael Voss, a man famous for not accepting the limitations imposed on him by others has instead elected to impose his limitations on the Brisbane Lions football club by accepting the position of head coach.

Monday’s shock resignation of Leigh Matthews left the door open and the triple premiership former captain was quick to abandon his two week old job at West Coast to jamb his foot in the door. A shell shocked Brisbane board, still in a tail spin after a 4th consecutive year of failing to make the finals, duly made the appointment 24hrs later.

It was in 2007 that Voss made his infamous statement about limitations amidst speculations he would apply for a senior coaching role despite not have any experience whatsoever. Ultimately he suffered a crisis of confidence and declined to put his name forward, choosing instead to hone his coaching skills by sitting alongside such luminary football intellects as Anthony Hudson and Robert Walls on the Channel 10 commentary team.

Looking forwards, Voss’ trademark shit eating grin will be tested to its utmost during the 2009 season as he tries to turn around the fortunes of a club that is still overly reliant on the aging stars of its premiership era. Rumour has it that Voss spent the summer coaching his twin daughters Casey and Kayley in their under 12s netball comp. If true, this experience with pre-teen girls could be invaluable in coaxing the best out of players like Travis Johnstone and Ashley McGrath.

For the general football public the appointment of Voss as coach is excellent news. It ensures the Lions will experience a sustained period of mediocrity, and more importantly, viewers won’t have to watch Voss (a man whose neck is even thicker than his head) being stuffed uncomfortably into a tailored suit. Voss will join his fellow ex players in their natural state of dress, the club tracksuit as he faces the press conference explaining another 100 point loss.