North Melbourne bad boy Shannon Grant has accused a woman who goes by the same name of being responsible for the drunken violent outburst which saw a row of portable toilets, some of which were still occupied by patrons, toppled over at a recent family golf day, a packed media throng was told earlier today at Arden Street.
The hushed media contingent which had been asked to huddle into a dugout that doubles for a conference centre at the dilapidated Kangaroos headquarters, were shown damning security footage of a “rotund female” who it is claimed had been drinking excessively for three days at the Richmond Club Hotel before involving herself in a wild bar brawl with one of the hotel’s managers. It is claimed that Miss Grant, 37, of Wheeler’s Hill, then drove down to Ocean Grove where the Kangaroos were thanking sponsors and supporters with an open day at a Golf Course.
The murky footage shows the woman dressed in a Kangaroos Guernsey baring the number “6” the same number Grant wears, pushing over the toilets as if they were “dominos and she was Godzilla,” reporter and closet Kangaroos fanboy Mike Sheahan said.
Grant, whose own form has been ridiculed this season, is understood to have been out late that evening, with former teammate Mick Martyn.
“Hey, so what? Mick’s ugly and needs a wingman to land a girl,” Grant told reporters. “I do what I can even if it takes all night.”
Returning the media back to the video footage, Grant pointed to the woman’s breasts and backside, claiming a contrast between his own aging body and that of Miss Grant. Reporters could not see any.
“Quite clearly,” Grant said, “she is not me and I am not her.”
This is not the first time a case of mistaken identity has caused shockwaves through the football community. Stan Alves, then coaching St. Kilda in 1996, attempted to play Darrel Wakelin, in the place of twin brother Shane, during a home and away game, what’s more, without rhyme or reason. St. Kilda has not won a premiership in 42 years.
