Leukaemia patient orders Bateman out of hospital room

Chance Bateman - doin' it for the kids!

The football world is in shock today. Chance Bateman who had intended to make a sick little boy’s day a lot brighter has been insulted repeatedly by an eight year old. The Hawthorn winger, who was engaged by the Make a Wish Foundation on behalf of the parents of leukaemia patient Danny Merrett, was told where to go – in no uncertain terms.

“There's no mistaking it. The minute I entered the room with Leo the Lion, Danny reared up in bed and launched into this tirade” Bateman told reporters assembled outside St. Vincent’s. “I'm pretty sure it was all directed at me.”

Nurses were called to Merrett’s bedside where they immediately sedated him. Leo the Lion, who accompanied Bateman to the terminal illness ward for children was also asked to leave.

Merrett, a passionate Richmond supporter, was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year. According to Merrett he received the horrible news the same day Jade Rawlings was hired by his beloved Tigers as an assistant coach.

“There’s been some duds at the club in my short time on the planet” Merrett said. “But after Paul Hudson and Aaron Fiora, that takes the fuckin’ cake.”

Once his parents had been served with a restraining order Merrett spoke exclusively to I-Footy during visiting hours. It was important, he claimed, to give his own version of events.

A 'Flea' that fell out of Chance's dreads

“Man, I thought they said it was a chance to meet Weightman” Merrett said. “Imagine my reaction when they sent that dreadlocked thing through the door. My hair may have fallen out but it’s got nothing to do with the chemo.”

Merrett firmly believed his parents were to blame for the misunderstanding. He has already informed the couple, John and Jenny Merrett, he never wishes to see them again.

“They don’t know anything about footy anyway” he said. “They’re both from Melbourne and go for Freo. What a pair of fuckheads.”

Merrett, who calls himself the black sheep of the family in which there are two other siblings (both older sisters) rejected calls from Jim Stynes and Paul Currie, directors of the charity foundation which helps thousands of kids around Australia. Currie urged the boy to reconcile with his parents. The boy, who, according to his doctors only has three weeks to live, was having none of it.

“I don’t want to go to Disneyland with that fuckin’ creep Stynes” he said. “I just want Wallace to give Connors a game in the ones.”