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Straight out of the horse's mouth - CLE-VAR!During last Sunday’s anticlimactic grudge match between Essendon and Hawthorn at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, the site of both team’s brutal rivalry in three consecutive grand finals between 1983-1985, Bruce McAvaney while heading the broadcast of the game for Channel Seven, lasted nearly five whole minutes without asking a rhetorical question of his co-commentators or viewers. Furthermore, for what must be the only time in his career as a football broadcaster, McAvaney was critical of the umpires. Early market research suggests viewers have warmed to the more heterosexual image cultivated of late by McAvaney.
Noted for injecting ‘special’ and ‘clever’ into individually inspired passages of play, McAvaney is also an overbearing killjoy whose Family First-like positivism induces rhetoric in the form of questions he asks of others without there being any discernible call for an answer. “Hasn’t he been good this quarter?” is one such example. Other variations include, “Don’t you just love his game?”
According to the official I-Footy time clock, McAvaney went four minutes and fifty-one seconds (4.51) on Sunday without articulating a rhetorical question. During the unparalleled interval, however, David Schwartz, who has taken the concept of special comments to a new sphere, decided to take up the slack by indulging in a barrage of “wasn’t it? and isn’t it? and don’t you thinks?” Even McAvaney sounded vaguely disgusted.
To date Schwartz’s main achievement in the media is having stood by and calmly watched an obviously disorientated Justin Kositchke slowly collapse like a felled red oak on live national television. Schwartz, who claimed that the microphone in his hand impeded his ability to assist the concussed St. Kilda ruckman from further worsening the brain damage he had incurred under former coach Grant Thomas, has since been more proactive as a media presenter.
The same can’t be said of Denis Cometti. Since moving from the Nine Network his deadpan humour has been largely lost on his cohorts. A leaked memo during the preseason competition quoted a Seven Football executive, who firmly believed “Bruce was like kryptonite to Denis.” Evidence does little contradict the executive.
Already this season, the usually accurate Cometti has seen fit to describe Greg Tivendale as a “normally accurate kick”. What’s more in round seven he made mention of the number of possessions Ryan Houlihan had amassed in a game without following it up with the word “ineffective.” Watch this space for updates on Cometti’s pending meltdown.
Noted for injecting ‘special’ and ‘clever’ into individually inspired passages of play, McAvaney is also an overbearing killjoy whose Family First-like positivism induces rhetoric in the form of questions he asks of others without there being any discernible call for an answer. “Hasn’t he been good this quarter?” is one such example. Other variations include, “Don’t you just love his game?”
According to the official I-Footy time clock, McAvaney went four minutes and fifty-one seconds (4.51) on Sunday without articulating a rhetorical question. During the unparalleled interval, however, David Schwartz, who has taken the concept of special comments to a new sphere, decided to take up the slack by indulging in a barrage of “wasn’t it? and isn’t it? and don’t you thinks?” Even McAvaney sounded vaguely disgusted.
To date Schwartz’s main achievement in the media is having stood by and calmly watched an obviously disorientated Justin Kositchke slowly collapse like a felled red oak on live national television. Schwartz, who claimed that the microphone in his hand impeded his ability to assist the concussed St. Kilda ruckman from further worsening the brain damage he had incurred under former coach Grant Thomas, has since been more proactive as a media presenter.
The same can’t be said of Denis Cometti. Since moving from the Nine Network his deadpan humour has been largely lost on his cohorts. A leaked memo during the preseason competition quoted a Seven Football executive, who firmly believed “Bruce was like kryptonite to Denis.” Evidence does little contradict the executive.
Already this season, the usually accurate Cometti has seen fit to describe Greg Tivendale as a “normally accurate kick”. What’s more in round seven he made mention of the number of possessions Ryan Houlihan had amassed in a game without following it up with the word “ineffective.” Watch this space for updates on Cometti’s pending meltdown.
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