Still shattered after being forced to grant Channel 10 an interview on the eve of the season opener, the increasingly precious Ben Cousins has requested that Channel 10 not film him during Thursday night’s game. His manager, Ricky ‘tram rammer’ Nixon was left with the job of explaining this startling request.
“Ben Cousins just wants to be left alone to work through his recovery and play football. We don’t think its helpful for him to be subjected to such intense media scrutiny and I think it’s a bit much for him to be expected to play footy with upwards of 12 TV cameras following his every more.”
When asked how fans were supposed to follow the game on TV if the cameras were banned from the game Nixon admitted there were some problems to work through.
“Clearly there will have to be compromise on both sides, I am merely stating Cousins’s starting position as he relayed it to me at 3.00am this morning. Obviously there will be a few people who might want to watch the other 43 players running around and we are working through that issue. Maybe Cousins could take the field in a tent ala Libby Trickett at her wedding. Or maybe the fans could wait for his documentary to come out which I know will contain footage of the match. Look, it might be as simple as him being kitted out in attire that will let him remain anonymous. These are details we will have to work through with the AFL, the AFLPA and Channel 10. Now if you excuse me I have a tram to catch...”
Never in recent memory has a match between two such mediocre clubs been so keenly anticipated and as footy fans we can only hope that some sort of reasonable compromise will be reached. Cousins' documentary, The Agony and the Ecstasy – My Awesome Footballing Life is expected to be released later this year.
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