Master G's ladder prediction for 2009.
Only 4 sleeps until the year starts proper ie. footy is back! Once again we all live in hope that
those crappy players that have played nearly 100 games finally get their act together and lay a
crucial tackle, kick a crucial goal or tag out a decent opponent to help win a game. That's all
you can hope for when your team hasn't played finals footy for nearly 10 years, and you have suffered the ignominy of being beaten by lousier but luckier teams over that period of time!
So here it is, my ladder predictions for 2009 (i-footy advises you to not gamble any money based on these predictions and takes no responsibility if you do!)
1. Geelong - as long as they don't smoke too many bongs and over-do the handballs the Cats should still be better than most other teams.
yet, 2. Hawthorn - well their forward line is just too potent, and will be that way for a fair few years, how old is Buddy this year? 22? The mind boggles, but their defence is getting older and fatter, teams will just have to out score them I suppose.
3. Port Adelaide - they got Tredrea and Cornes back and they weren't that far off the beat last year. But don't fear, they'll be shit the next year when those guys retire.
4. Richmond - well Wallace's 5 year plan has now arrived. They have the cattle and an aging core of champions to show the way, as well as 'the smartest coach in the league' Terry Wallace, what can go wrong? Either way this finish is a poisoned chalice. Wallace will get re-signed for a few years for his 'success', Richo and crew will retire, and Richmond supporters will feel like they're back in the 90s, with Wallace still as coach
5. Footscray Bulldogs - I don't rate them but they are better than North and a few other teams.
6. Freo - don't underestimate the most mediocre team in the league. North have been doing it the past few years, so now it's Freo's turn. They have the best ruck and CHF in the league and some pacy new kids could get them up there. They smashed Carlton in a practice match so it's gotta mean something?
7. Adelaide - they are robots and always win enough to make the finals. No doubt they will do it again this year.
8. Carlton - while they don't have the team 'on paper' like Richmond do, their midfield is good enough to win a few games off their own boots except for Fev. They could be top four if guys like Houlihan, Russell, Fisher, Cloke and Hadley get their games on, but still have to beat Sydney, St.Kilda, Adelaide and Geelong to prove 'we are coming'...
9. Collingwood - they will probably engineer their way into the top 4, but I hope they miss out this year just to prove Caroline Wilson right about El-Prez Eddie Maguire and for the bloodthirsty fans to turn on him like some Shakespearian tragedy!
10 . St. Kilda - well the economic downturn will be affecting the price of cocaine in the Southern suburbs, so the swagger will soon turn to torpor, remember these guys have taken on the Swans 'shitfooty' role that has kept them in the 8 with their coach who has to be one of the biggest Bozos in the chair since Damien Drum coached Freo! Hopefully this is the year they start becoming like the 'old St.Kilda' from the 80s!
11. Sydney - whilst they still might 'shit football' their way back into the top 8, I hope they don't, just to bury this era of 'chip-chip' shitfooty-tempo-playing these cocksuckers invented and won a flag with. And I'm still waiting for the Baz Hall Mardi-Gras float!
12. Brisbane - shouldn't have sacked Lethal so early in the piece. They will learn the stupidity of their sun-tanned ways as they become more of a 'one man' team and easier to beat. I'm not shedding any tears!
13. North Melbourne - the 'shinboner' spirit seems ready to crack. Sure they've brought back Australia's favourite wife basher and best mates-wife-bonker - 'the king' Wayne Carey - to help coach them, but teams that live in the past do so coz they don't have a future.
14. Essendon - have gone from looking like cops to playing like cops. They are still dreaming of the Dreamtime via their pacy Aboriginal brigade, but sheesh when they lose Lloyd, Lucas and Fletcher pretty soon, they could very well become the lousiest Victorian team since St.Kilda in the 80s (or Carlton in the 00s!)!
15. West Coast - the come down from nearly a decade of drug highs is still continuing and may take a few more years to fully detox.
16. Melbourne - Joe Gutnick, you're still out there?
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